Well it is early and couldn’t sleep, so I decided to distract myself with an entry. I have a little photo assignment early this morning–maybe that was why I was anxious.

I have been fighting this thing called PAWS for the last month and although it is getting better, I still feel it occasionally. I can see why now how many addicts relapse if your brain is trying to reconnect pathways and re-establish chemical balances. My mood swings are disconcerting at times. I can be going along just fine feeling pretty good and something will trigger a feeling of self-doubt, worthlessness, remorse, shame and dread–all of which contribute to me losing interest and motivation in something I was doing, or planning.

I have learned now to talk myself out of the loop knowing it will pass. Funny thing is that I never heard of this affliction, which affects around 75% of addicts/alcoholics, when I was in primary treatment. I just happened to read about it in a book I got while volunteering at Hazelden. So now I know why I always hit a 2-3 month wall. I just wasn’t recognizing it.

So now I am being more proactive about it by exercising more, eating better (less sugar, no diet soda, more water), trying to get the right amount of sleep and following through on my Campral. I think taking the Campral is helping. I can tell cause it has a pretty short acting period and when I am late taking it, I can feel it a bit. Campral is supposed to help with PAWS.

Although it sucks having these swings, it is good to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and symptoms begin to slowly diminish after around 6 months. I am also glad to not be taking SSRIs any longer.

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